Gut feelings on giving and receiving.
Lately it seems as if I’m being reminded of just how scarily accurate gut feelings can be. I feel almost lucky at times, almost tempting me to believe in ESP. From suggesting to someone the sugar is on the right while in another room to feeling as if there a person was off kilter just from the look in their eyes.
Ever since I posted about helping people out I’ve tried following my gut when it comes to people asking or appearing to need assistance. Not too long ago I noticed a man who seemed as if he was living out of a backpack almost by choice rather than necessity. At first in passing I gave him some slices of Hot Mama’s and some extra stuff Pike St Fish Fry gave me. He reminds me of an older wise man with a gnomish white beard, he just seems relaxed and peaceful at all times.
One late night walk with Terra not too long ago I stopped and got to asking him about my gut feeling, just to see if I was right. In a very relaxed conversation Norton and I talk about being in the flow, feeling a general unease building, and about luck and opportunity. Over an hour later, with Terra being a chill puppy, we’ve managed to cover topics like music, politics, human rights, and new forms of society. Talking Žižek, Kierkegaard, and Examined Life; geeking out on thoughts of the Universe and the interconnectedness of everything.
Walking from my stop on Broadway still reading the comments my Gramps had written in his copy of the Denial of Death there was a girl with a dog and some art. One of the pieces she had just happened to catch my eye. So I stopped and turned around, I’m not even sure why, perhaps it reminded me of being a kid and visiting my Dad for weekends at the beach. I asked about what inspired her to make the girl the way she did and commented how the rays of sunlight flew off the board. I asked how much she wanted for it and she commented about how she’s living out of a car so make an offer but in the past they’ve gone for $200. My gut says eh, go for it, my brain says, bit rich for my blood. I tell her I’ll see what I can do and after hitting up the ATM a couple blocks down head back with $200. Telling her about how my Mom does stained glass and has always been a bit of a starving artist I hand over the cash. She began to thank me profusely, tells me how far out and down to Earth I seem. She signs the back and mentions about driving around from place to place and to check her out on MySpace. I end up getting home and am like, wait did I just do that? Have I been taken? I search for her name and sure enough she’s got some other awesome stuff posted online.
After not talking to Norton for a while I stop by again to see how he’s doing and to actually ask about whether or not he’s living out of a backpack by choice. Either I couldn’t bring myself to ask him the first time or I was just too busy thinking about other stuff to ask previously. Turns out that my gut feeling was almost dead on here as well. I’ll spare the details now since I’m still curious about what got him to this point, if he’s settled and actually peaceful and what would he need in life if he’s not. I think when I do speak to him next I’ll give him this $25 Amex gift card I received, seems like the least I can do considering how much enjoyment I’ve received from our conversations.
Meanwhile off the topic of gut feelings I have mixed feelings about non-profit awareness and the general pushiness of those requesting donations in public. I usually pick one a month and donate enough for Microsoft to match, sometimes more. I’ve lost track of the various causes I’ve donated to and I guess this is where I become uncomfortable. I usually stop and see what’s what, then after remembering that I’ve donated prior and even after mentioning that I’ve donated, instead of saying thanks they’ll sometimes say, “well why not make a regular commitment”! Great, but if I donated to every cause I’d like every single time I’m asked and did so regularly I’d be the one asking for donations before too long. I guess I’d prefer if they’d just state what they’re out for, hand over some info and call it good. If I want to take the time to donate there don’t try and push for regular installments or a minimum amount. Doing otherwise just makes it easier to justify avoiding you altogether.
The more I think about these gut feelings though the more I realize that when I follow them the happier I become and the happier I seem to make the people around me. This surely can’t be a bad thing.