Posts Tagged ‘Personal’

Lately it seems as if I’m being reminded of just how scarily accurate gut feelings can be. I feel almost lucky at times, almost tempting me to believe in ESP. From suggesting to someone the sugar is on the right while in another room to feeling as if there a person was off kilter just from the look in their eyes.

Ever since I posted about helping people out I’ve tried following my gut when it comes to people asking or appearing to need assistance. Not too long ago I noticed a man who seemed as if he was living out of a backpack almost by choice rather than necessity. At first in passing I gave him some slices of Hot Mama’s and some extra stuff Pike St Fish Fry gave me. He reminds me of an older wise man with a gnomish white beard, he just seems relaxed and peaceful at all times.

One late night walk with Terra not too long ago I stopped and got to asking him about my gut feeling, just to see if I was right. In a very relaxed conversation Norton and I talk about being in the flow, feeling a general unease building, and about luck and opportunity. Over an hour later, with Terra being a chill puppy, we’ve managed to cover topics like music, politics, human rights, and new forms of society. Talking Žižek, Kierkegaard, and Examined Life; geeking out on thoughts of the Universe and the interconnectedness of everything.

Walking from my stop on Broadway still reading the comments my Gramps had written in his copy of the Denial of Death there was a girl with a dog and some art. One of the pieces she had just happened to catch my eye. So I stopped and turned around, I’m not even sure why, perhaps it reminded me of being a kid and visiting my Dad for weekends at the beach. I asked about what inspired her to make the girl the way she did and commented how the rays of sunlight flew off the board. I asked how much she wanted for it and she commented about how she’s living out of a car so make an offer but in the past they’ve gone for $200. My gut says eh, go for it, my brain says, bit rich for my blood. I tell her I’ll see what I can do and after hitting up the ATM a couple blocks down head back with $200. Telling her about how my Mom does stained glass and has always been a bit of a starving artist I hand over the cash. She began to thank me profusely, tells me how far out and down to Earth I seem. She signs the back and mentions about driving around from place to place and to check her out on MySpace. I end up getting home and am like, wait did I just do that? Have I been taken? I search for her name and sure enough she’s got some other awesome stuff posted online.

After not talking to Norton for a while I stop by again to see how he’s doing and to actually ask about whether or not he’s living out of a backpack by choice. Either I couldn’t bring myself to ask him the first time or I was just too busy thinking about other stuff to ask previously. Turns out that my gut feeling was almost dead on here as well. I’ll spare the details now since I’m still curious about what got him to this point, if he’s settled and actually peaceful and what would he need in life if he’s not. I think when I do speak to him next I’ll give him this $25 Amex gift card I received, seems like the least I can do considering how much enjoyment I’ve received from our conversations.

Meanwhile off the topic of gut feelings I have mixed feelings about non-profit awareness and the general pushiness of those requesting donations in public. I usually pick one a month and donate enough for Microsoft to match, sometimes more. I’ve lost track of the various causes I’ve donated to and I guess this is where I become uncomfortable. I usually stop and see what’s what, then after remembering that I’ve donated prior and even after mentioning that I’ve donated, instead of saying thanks they’ll sometimes say, “well why not make a regular commitment”! Great, but if I donated to every cause I’d like every single time I’m asked  and did so regularly I’d be the one asking for donations before too long. I guess I’d prefer if they’d just state what they’re out for, hand over some info and call it good. If I want to take the time to donate there don’t try and push for regular installments or a minimum amount. Doing otherwise just makes it easier to justify avoiding you altogether.

The more I think about these gut feelings though the more I realize that when I follow them the happier I become and the happier I seem to make the people around me. This surely can’t be a bad thing.

Woke up from a dream last night… with the sensation that I went on a flying trip over Seattle, some lakes, forests, and waterfalls; all the way out into space where I was weightless, chilling out over Earth.

In the process of trying to fall back to sleep I pretty much thought about the following:

1. Design a tattoo in Illustrator and Photoshop that fits the scene in my head/dream.
   • Think about a conversation with Grandma in a hypothetical future situation. “I’m not getting it yet, but as soon as I get into great shape that tattoo is coming.”
   • Use Illustrator and Photoshop design as background for site.
   • Use Illustrator design to create a movie with AfterEffects.
   • Convert movie to Silverlight/Flash for site.
2. Print some photos I’ve taken at Costco.
   • Design and create a DIY wire photo frame which features the photos in between two pieces of glass suspended in a 1x4x9 frame.
   • Share results online with a process video.
3. Join the CrossFit gym across the street so that I can go every Thursday morning in addition to the regular gym visits every Tuesday evening.
   • Buy some weights for home and figure out some more home workout options.
   • Get in great shape.
4. Get tattoo.
5. Looking at ceiling from the bed realizing that I should take a photo of what I’m looking at. Then using Photoshop and Illustrator convert it to a line drawing to then create a design for what I’d like to have built.
   • Thinking of the design. Thinking of how it’d best be accomplished. Creating the mental lines.
   • Use screen capture app to record the process of converting a photo into a design.
   • Take design get it built then do a making of the entire thing.
6. Take long beach vacation.
7. Take a road trip to visit family in California after November 2nd.
   • Return from California very chill and ready for great times ahead.
8. Idea for blog post about the way I think.
9. Need to buy camera gear for Leetspeak’s first show.
   • Need to attend show and hook up audio recorder to monitor output to be able to make a decent quality video.

Trying to go back to sleep now… Thinking… Man I need to find something new to fall asleep to. I’m really starting to pick out individual instrument patterns. Damn, that really is a pattern. I wonder if I could recreate this. I should try and recreate song, record process.

Okay, I need to sleep… I’m laying on a beach listening to the waves and there’s an awesome girl next to me. We go snorkeling in the really clear waters and see some turtles. Chilling on a board, now there’s some dolphins off in the distance. Flash forward to getting out of water after splashing around a bit with the awesome girl. Have sex with awesome girl in awesome villa on the beach. Lay out on beach as the stars come out and fall asleep to the sight of the milky way.

And after all that I eventually fall asleep, I think, at least that’s the point where I forget everything and eventually wake up. Getting ready for work, realize I need to create a list of shit to do. Realize that I should just record every idea I had while trying to fall back to sleep.

Record list.
Post.

There's more content here, but I must have some reason for keeping it private still. There is some secret project that I'm working on but this post may or may not be related either way.

There's more content here, but I must have some reason for keeping it private still. There is some secret project that I'm working on but this post may or may not be related either way.

Today I finally managed to prevent history from repeating. For the past two or three weeks I kept on thinking of stuff I needed to do before and after work. The odd thing is every single time I thought of something I’d make a mental note to remember it. Then I’d just forget it. I’d get to work or get home and realize how stupid I was for forgetting, and then… nothing. I’d not bother making a note to remind myself the next day.

Self defeating really, I know my memory sucks when it comes to a lot of stuff, why I don’t make notes is things is beyond me. I guess I just figure it’s a waste of paper and I’d lose track anyway. Making notes electronically doesn’t work for me either since it’s too slow and I never have the method for input readily available.

So the bottom line? Well, yesterday and today I broke out of it. Not sure why but I finally remembered to bring the Silk coffee creamer from the fridge at home into the one at work. Lame? Yes, but it’s a perfect example of the crap I forget on a daily basis. In this case I bought the stuff over a week ago, and every day I’d arrive at work and forget it and slap myself mentally for being a dumb ass.

How to combat this mental block is beyond me. I just figured I’d finally remember to write about this sort of stuff instead of thinking, “oh I should make a note of that on my blog” then never doing it.